Arguments

I often get pulled into arguments, which leave me feeling lousy. Why does this keep happening to me?

When you argue you are entering into a situation that could not exist without your participation. Consider this. You attend a party where a guest asks you to play Frisbee. You decline. He picks it up and tosses it to you. You catch it and toss it back frustrated that he didn’t respect your wishes. The back and forth tossing continues with you feeling more and more resentful. Playing Frisbee, like arguing can’t occur without the participation of at least two parties. When you enter into an exchange you’d rather avoid you allow the other person to be in charge. You took the bait and now you feel yourself struggling, trapped in a situation that you wanted to avoid. Stop playing the game. Commit to being your own boss. Use the word “I”. “I’m not discussing this with you now, I don’t want to argue, and I’ll let you know when I’m ready to discuss it further.” Put the “Frisbee” down and calmly walk away.

When you commit to being your own boss you choose to act rather than react. To act is to take responsibility for your own participation. To react, in this context, is to respond to someone else’s lead. Being your own boss does not excuse you from the responsibility of conflict or difficult conversations. It’s about emotional self care, and dignity. Enjoy the feeling of empowerment; you are stronger than you know.